So I showed up to work today and everybody's all up in my grill asking me what did I think of the Oscars.
What did I think of the Oscars!? What did I think of the Oscars!?
They were lame. That's what I thought of the Oscars.
1.) Seth MacFarlane You know how William Shatner/Captain Kirk came from the future to tell you what not to do to ruin the Oscars? You shouldn't have done them. Ever. Because they ruined the Oscars. Just because you tell us you are about to ruin the Oscars, and then you go ahead and do the thing you have just told us is going to ruin the Oscars, YOU'VE STILL RUINED THE OSCARS! Only now we know you know we know you just ruined the Oscars. That's like a triple fail right there. I wish Amy and Tina had hosted, no joke.2.) A song about boobs This might be a sub-category of the above, but there is a special place in hell for this performance. To have a bunch of over-sexed men in tuxedoes skip onto the stage to sing a song about how many boobies they get to see in the movies, and whose boobies they see in which movies (oh yeah, they got specific), IS STILL OFFENSIVE AFTER YOU'VE TOLD US IT'S GOING TO BE OFFENSIVE. Yep. And not funny considering we have just come from the red carpet where we (by "we" I mean the American public as a whole) just spent an hour rating how pretty the girls look.
3.) Too much testosterone This might be a sub-category of the above, but to have the perverted producer of Family Guy stand on the stage and tell dude jokes isn't funny in a year with so few women nominated - especially in the behind-the-scenes categories. Don't get me wrong, it was a great year for girls (as well as "Girls") in television. But there were a heck of a lot of guy films on the ballot last night.
4.) Quentin Terantino SO MUCH BLOOD! And after this snarky interview (start at 2:51 for the key question, he starts to get pissy at 4:35), my respect for the man diminished even further.
5.) In Memoriam Every year, the Academy remembers famous film makers who have passed away over the passed year. The segment is called in memoriam, but this year we should call it "NOT REMEMBERING A WHOLE HECK OF A LOT OF REALLY IMPORTANT AWESOME INSPIRATIONAL INFLUENTIAL SIGNIFICANT MEMBERS OF THE FILM COMMUNITY WHO ALSO PASSED AWAY THIS YEAR," including:
Ann Rutherford: classic star of Hollywood's golden age, appearing in most of the Andy Hardy movies, GONE WITH THE WIND (1939), ORCHESTRA WIVES (1942), PRIDE AND PREJUDICE (1940) (starring Sir Laurence Olivier), and THE ADVENTURES OF DON JUAN (1948) (starring Errol Flynn).
Phyllis Diller: one of the great American commediennes
Gore Vidal: one of the greatest late-20th century writer/screenwriters
Sherman Hemsley: star of The Jeffersons
Larry Hagman: star of Dallas, appeared in PRIMARY COLORS (1998) and NIXON (1995)
Mel Stuart: producer director, WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (1971) and FOUR DAYS IN NOVEMBER (1964)
Russell Means: Native American activist and character actor, THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS (1992) and POCAHONTAS (1995)
Susan Tyrrell: Oscar nominated as supporting actress in FAT CITY (1972)
I want to be fair. There were a few moments at last nights Academy Awards ceremony that brought a smile to my face.
1.) Dame Shirley Bassey sang "Goldfinger" in honor of the 50th anniversary of the first James Bond film. Okay, so she was slightly off key, but it's great to see that the dame can still belt it!
2.) Adele sang "Skyfall" and then won for best original song. Perfect.
3.) Anne Hathaway's acceptance speech for her best supporting actress award was appropriate and touching. All the better because she did actually deserve the prize despite the fact that her part in the film was a small one.
4.) The performance of "One Day More" by the cast of LES MISERABLES. It sent shivers up my spine - in a really good way.
5.) Ang Lee. Probably my favorite living director. And isn't he just too sweet for words!?
6.) Brenda Chapman co-accepting the award for BRAVE. They may have elbowed her off the project, but they still acknowledged her vast contribution to the powerful mother-daughter tale. Props for that. I'm also really glad BRAVE, a story about a courageous young girl's relationship with her overbearing mother, rather than a story about her quest for a perfect mate, was recognized over the hulky [male] video game character WRECK-IT RALPH.
7.) Jennifer Lawrence's post-ceremony press conference. The chick is hilarious.
8.) It was nice to know that princess Catherine Zeta Jones has "All That Jazz." I love her because she is Welsh, and that's just cool.
All in all, I could have gone to bed early last night. At least I wouldn't have been such a chowder-head at work today. The Oscars last night weren't exactly painful - they were just terribly terribly flat. There were some dumb moments, and there were some sweet moments. There were a lot of things that could have/should have been done differently, but hey, there we are. I'll hope for better luck next year!